Adulting is hard. But adulting is also awesome.

There’s so much pressure in day to day life. For me, it often feels overwhelming. I live on this strange seesaw of “fuck it, who cares” and then caring so deeply it hurts.

ADHD medication has helped with my energy and my ability to get moving, but it hasn’t magically fixed everything. Some days and some weeks are still hard. That’s just part of how my brain works, and I’m learning to make peace with that.

Someone close to me came around today and I showed them something in my room. They commented on how much clothing I have and it completely ruined my day. I like things. I love fashion. I love expressing my personality through what I wear and the things I surround myself with.

About a month ago, I did a massive sort through of my clothes. I got rid of three huge black bags of clothing and shoes. Looking at my space now, you’d never know that, but the process itself was a really big deal for me. It took about two weeks of doing small bits here and there, slowly working through it and trying to get it tidy in a way that felt manageable.

Then we went away on adventures. I still haven’t unpacked my bags from New Years.

Some photos of our New Years trip to the Hawkes Bay.

It’s not that I don’t do things. I do a lot. Every single day. And yet it often feels like I’m still falling a little further behind. I manage a lot of the moving parts in our family because of my work hours and flexibility and that seems to mostly be the role of a lot of women in our society. Not all of it, but a lot of it. That means my own stuff often gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

My focus is making sure my work is ticking along. That my kids are eating half decent meals. That there’s a proper dinner most nights. That the house isn’t a total disaster. The bathrooms get cleaned. The kids’ rooms are semi-organised. We make time for fun and for doing cool things together. I genuinely love my life, but the admin is intense. And today, it all felt especially heavy.

Later on, I shared how upset I felt with my husband. I was hoping to feel understood, but instead he agreed that I probably do have too much stuff. And that hurt too. Not because he was wrong, but because in that moment I didn’t need fixing or agreeing. I just needed someone to understand why it landed the way it did.

Some days are hard. Some days people don’t quite get you, even the ones who love you most. Those days happen. They don’t mean anything is broken. They’re just part of being human.

I was also told today that “you have to be happy in yourself.” And I am. Most of the time. But I don’t believe you have to be okay all the time. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. You’re allowed to say fuck it and go camping for three days in the rain. You’re allowed to love and hate parts of life at the same time. That is real life.

Adulting is actually pretty great too. Last week we decided to really look at our budget. Going camping with the kids didn’t exactly fit into that plan, but it was so worth it. Yes, I spent too much on petrol. But we ate frugally. For the whole trip, we went to one cafe for coffee and hot chocolates and shared a scoop of hot chips in buns. The rest was supermarket food. It was fun getting creative, and I loved watching my daughter cook one of our meals.

Yes, we broke the budget. But we made epic memories.

I don’t even know why I’m sharing all of this. Writing helps me process. It lets me look at things from different angles and slow my thoughts down a bit. I also share because I hate the idea that we’re all sitting in our own separate houses feeling like we’re not good enough, or that everyone else is somehow better at life. We’re far more connected than we realise.

For me, memories matter. Doing cool shit with my kids while they’re young matters. Right now, our home and our finances probably reflect that, and I’m actually okay with it. Everything will get done at some point.

More things will be added to the list along the way, and that’s okay too.

So whatever you’re feeling today, let yourself feel it. It’s okay. And if it’s not okay right now, it will be at some point.

Happy Thursday from me and my brain.

Chat again soon.Some memories from our camping trip below. New Plymouth is amazing, rain or shine, and so are the incredible humans I went with.